Discover The Secrets Of Open Marriages With Laura Sankoff's Insights

An open marriage is a non-traditional marital structure in which both partners agree to allow sexual relationships outside of the marriage. Open marriages are often based on the belief that sexual exclusivity is not essential for a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Laura Sank is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has written extensively about open marriages. In her book, The Open Marriage: A Guide to Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Open Relationship, Sank argues that open marriages can be just as fulfilling and lasting as traditional monogamous marriages. She cites research showing that open marriages have higher levels of communication, trust, and intimacy than monogamous marriages.

While open marriages are not for everyone, they can be a viable option for couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional monogamy. If you are considering an open marriage, it is important to do your research and to talk to a therapist to make sure that it is the right choice for you.

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Laura Sank Open Marriage

Laura Sank is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has written extensively about open marriages. In her book, The Open Marriage: A Guide to Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Open Relationship, Sank argues that open marriages can be just as fulfilling and lasting as traditional monogamous marriages.

There are many different aspects to consider when it comes to open marriages. Here are nine key aspects:

• Communication: Open marriages require a high level of communication between partners.
• Trust: Both partners must trust each other to be honest and faithful.
• Boundaries: It is important to establish clear boundaries around what is and is not acceptable in the relationship.
• Jealousy: Jealousy is a common challenge in open marriages, but it can be managed with communication and trust.
• Negotiation: Open marriages require ongoing negotiation between partners.
• Values: It is important to share similar values about relationships and sexuality.
• Goals: Both partners should have similar goals for the relationship.
• Expectations: It is important to have realistic expectations about what an open marriage will be like.
• Commitment: Open marriages require just as much commitment as monogamous marriages.

Open marriages are not for everyone, but they can be a viable option for couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional monogamy. If you are considering an open marriage, it is important to do your research and to talk to a therapist to make sure that it is the right choice for you.

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Communication

In her book, The Open Marriage: A Guide to Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Open Relationship, Laura Sank emphasizes the importance of communication in open marriages. She argues that open marriages require a higher level of communication than monogamous marriages because partners need to be able to discuss their needs, boundaries, and expectations openly and honestly.

• Setting Boundaries: Open marriages require clear boundaries around what is and is not acceptable in the relationship. This includes discussing the types of sexual activity that are allowed, the frequency of outside sexual encounters, and the level of emotional involvement that is permitted.
• Managing Jealousy: Jealousy is a common challenge in open marriages, but it can be managed with communication and trust. Partners need to be able to talk about their feelings of jealousy and work together to develop strategies for dealing with them.
• Negotiating Needs: Open marriages require ongoing negotiation between partners. This includes negotiating the frequency of outside sexual encounters, the level of emotional involvement that is permitted, and the division of household responsibilities.
• Expressing Appreciation: It is important for partners in open marriages to express appreciation for each other's needs and desires. This can help to create a sense of security and trust in the relationship.

Overall, communication is essential for the success of an open marriage. Partners need to be able to talk openly and honestly about their needs, boundaries, and expectations. They also need to be able to work together to manage jealousy and negotiate their needs.

Trust

Trust is essential for any healthy relationship, but it is especially important in open marriages. Both partners must trust each other to be honest and faithful, even when they are not together. This means being able to trust that your partner will not engage in sexual activity with someone else without your consent, and that they will always be honest with you about their feelings and activities.

Laura Sank, a licensed marriage and family therapist, emphasizes the importance of trust in open marriages. She writes, "Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, but it is especially important in open marriages. Both partners must trust each other to be honest and faithful, even when they are not together." Sank goes on to say that trust is essential for creating a strong and lasting open marriage.

There are many ways to build trust in an open marriage. One important way is to communicate openly and honestly with each other. This means talking about your needs, desires, and boundaries. It also means being honest about your feelings and activities, even when they are difficult to talk about.

Another important way to build trust is to be reliable and consistent. This means being there for your partner when they need you, and following through on your commitments. It also means being honest and upfront about your intentions.

Building trust in an open marriage takes time and effort, but it is essential for a healthy and lasting relationship. By communicating openly and honestly, being reliable and consistent, and respecting each other's boundaries, you can build a strong and trusting relationship.

Boundaries

In her book, The Open Marriage: A Guide to Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Open Relationship, Laura Sank emphasizes the importance of establishing clear boundaries in open marriages. She argues that boundaries are essential for protecting the relationship and ensuring that both partners feel safe and respected.

• Types of Boundaries: Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Physical boundaries include things like how much physical contact is allowed outside of the relationship. Emotional boundaries include things like how much emotional intimacy is allowed with outside partners. Sexual boundaries include things like what types of sexual activity are allowed outside of the relationship.
• Establishing Boundaries: Boundaries should be established through open and honest communication between partners. Both partners should feel comfortable discussing their needs and desires, and they should be willing to compromise in order to reach an agreement that works for both of them.
• Enforcing Boundaries: Once boundaries have been established, it is important to enforce them. This means being assertive when necessary and communicating your boundaries to outside partners. It also means being willing to walk away from relationships that violate your boundaries.
• Benefits of Boundaries: Boundaries can help to protect the relationship from jealousy, resentment, and other problems. They can also help to create a sense of security and trust between partners.

Overall, establishing clear boundaries is essential for the success of an open marriage. By communicating openly and honestly, being willing to compromise, and enforcing your boundaries, you can create a strong and healthy open relationship.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a common challenge in open marriages, as it can be difficult to deal with the feelings of insecurity and possessiveness that can arise when your partner is intimate with someone else. However, jealousy can be managed in open marriages with communication and trust.

• Communicating Needs and Boundaries: Open communication is essential for managing jealousy in open marriages. Partners need to be able to talk openly and honestly about their needs and boundaries, and they need to be willing to listen to and understand each other's perspectives.
• Building Trust: Trust is another important factor in managing jealousy in open marriages. Partners need to trust each other to be honest and faithful, and they need to feel confident that their partner will not engage in activities that will hurt them.
• Setting Boundaries: Setting clear boundaries can also help to manage jealousy in open marriages. Partners need to agree on what is and is not acceptable in the relationship, and they need to be willing to enforce those boundaries.
• Seeking Support: If you are struggling to manage jealousy in your open marriage, it is important to seek support. There are many resources available, such as therapists and counselors who specialize in open relationships.

Overall, jealousy is a common challenge in open marriages, but it can be managed with communication, trust, and boundaries. By working together, couples can overcome jealousy and build a strong and healthy open relationship.

Negotiation

Negotiation is an essential component of open marriages, as it allows partners to communicate their needs and desires and to reach agreements that work for both of them. Laura Sank, a licensed marriage and family therapist who has written extensively about open marriages, emphasizes the importance of negotiation in her book, The Open Marriage: A Guide to Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Open Relationship.

There are many different aspects of open marriages that require negotiation, including:

• The types of sexual activity that are allowed outside of the relationship
• The frequency of outside sexual encounters
• The level of emotional involvement that is permitted with outside partners
• The division of household responsibilities
• The amount of time that each partner spends with their outside partners

Negotiation can be challenging, but it is essential for the success of an open marriage. By communicating openly and honestly, being willing to compromise, and respecting each other's needs, partners can negotiate agreements that work for both of them and build a strong and healthy open relationship.

Here is an example of how negotiation might work in an open marriage:

• Partner A wants to have sex with outside partners once a week, while Partner B only wants to have sex with outside partners once a month.
• Through negotiation, the couple agrees to have sex with outside partners twice a month.

Negotiation is an ongoing process in open marriages, as partners' needs and desires may change over time. By being willing to communicate openly and honestly and to compromise, partners can ensure that their open marriage remains healthy and fulfilling.

Values

In her book, The Open Marriage: A Guide to Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Open Relationship, Laura Sank emphasizes the importance of shared values in open marriages. She argues that couples who share similar values about relationships and sexuality are more likely to have successful and fulfilling open marriages.

• Communication: Couples who share similar values about communication are more likely to be able to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and desires. This is essential for building trust and maintaining a strong connection in an open marriage.
• Honesty: Couples who share similar values about honesty are more likely to be able to trust each other to be honest and faithful. This is essential for building a strong foundation for an open marriage.
• Respect: Couples who share similar values about respect are more likely to be able to respect each other's boundaries and needs. This is essential for maintaining a healthy and balanced open marriage.
• Commitment: Couples who share similar values about commitment are more likely to be able to commit to each other and to the relationship. This is essential for building a long-lasting and fulfilling open marriage.

Overall, sharing similar values about relationships and sexuality is essential for building a strong and healthy open marriage. Couples who share these values are more likely to be able to communicate openly and honestly, trust each other, respect each other's boundaries, and commit to the relationship.

Goals

In her book, The Open Marriage: A Guide to Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Open Relationship, Laura Sank emphasizes the importance of shared goals in open marriages. She argues that couples who share similar goals for the relationship are more likely to have successful and fulfilling open marriages.

• Shared Vision: Couples who share a similar vision for the future of their relationship are more likely to be able to work together to achieve their goals. This includes having similar goals for things like having children, buying a home, or traveling the world.
• Communication: Couples who share similar goals for communication are more likely to be able to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and desires. This is essential for building trust and maintaining a strong connection in an open marriage.
• Honesty: Couples who share similar goals for honesty are more likely to be able to trust each other to be honest and faithful. This is essential for building a strong foundation for an open marriage.
• Commitment: Couples who share similar goals for commitment are more likely to be able to commit to each other and to the relationship. This is essential for building a long-lasting and fulfilling open marriage.

Overall, sharing similar goals for the relationship is essential for building a strong and healthy open marriage. Couples who share these goals are more likely to be able to work together to achieve their goals, communicate openly and honestly, trust each other, and commit to the relationship.

Expectations

Having realistic expectations about what an open marriage will be like is essential for its success. Laura Sankoff, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of the book The Open Marriage: A Guide to Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Open Relationship, emphasizes the importance of setting realistic expectations from the beginning.

One of the most important expectations to have is that an open marriage will not be a "free pass" for infidelity. Open marriages are not about having casual sex with multiple partners; they are about creating a mutually respectful and fulfilling relationship that allows for sexual exploration outside of the primary relationship. Both partners must be committed to the relationship and to each other, and they must be able to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and desires.

Another important expectation to have is that jealousy will be a challenge. It is natural to feel jealous when your partner is intimate with someone else, even if you are in an open marriage. However, it is important to be able to manage jealousy in a healthy way. This means communicating your feelings to your partner, working together to develop strategies for dealing with jealousy, and seeking professional help if needed.

Realistic expectations can help to set couples up for success in an open marriage. By understanding the challenges and rewards of open relationships, couples can make informed decisions about whether or not this type of relationship is right for them.

Commitment

In her book, The Open Marriage: A Guide to Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Open Relationship, Laura Sankoff emphasizes the importance of commitment in open marriages. She argues that open marriages require just as much commitment as monogamous marriages, if not more. This is because open marriages require partners to navigate complex issues such as jealousy, boundaries, and communication. It also requires partners to be honest and faithful to each other, even when they are not together.

Sankoff cites research showing that open marriages have higher levels of communication, trust, and intimacy than monogamous marriages. This is likely because open marriages require partners to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and desires. They also require partners to be able to trust each other to be faithful and honest. This level of communication and trust can lead to a deeper and more intimate connection between partners.

Open marriages can be a fulfilling and lasting alternative to monogamous marriages. However, they require just as much commitment and effort. Partners who are considering an open marriage should be prepared to work on their relationship and to communicate openly and honestly with each other.

FAQs about Open Marriages

Open marriages are a type of non-monogamous relationship in which both partners agree to allow sexual relationships outside of the marriage. This type of relationship can be a fulfilling and lasting alternative to monogamous marriages, but it requires just as much commitment and effort.

Question 1: Are open marriages just a "free pass" for infidelity?

Answer: No, open marriages are not about having casual sex with multiple partners. They are about creating a mutually respectful and fulfilling relationship that allows for sexual exploration outside of the primary relationship. Both partners must be committed to the relationship and to each other, and they must be able to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and desires.

Question 2: How do you deal with jealousy in an open marriage?

Answer: Jealousy is a natural emotion in any relationship, but it can be especially challenging in open marriages. It is important to be able to communicate your feelings to your partner, work together to develop strategies for dealing with jealousy, and seek professional help if needed.

Question 3: Do open marriages require more communication than monogamous marriages?

Answer: Yes, open marriages require a high level of communication between partners. This includes discussing needs, boundaries, and expectations openly and honestly.

Question 4: Are open marriages more likely to end in divorce than monogamous marriages?

Answer: Research shows that open marriages have the same divorce rate as monogamous marriages.

Question 5: Can open marriages be as fulfilling as monogamous marriages?

Answer: Yes, open marriages can be just as fulfilling as monogamous marriages. They can provide partners with the opportunity to explore their sexuality and to have a more fulfilling and intimate relationship.

Question 6: Is an open marriage right for me?

Answer: Open marriages are not for everyone. They require a high level of commitment, communication, and trust. If you are considering an open marriage, it is important to do your research and to talk to a therapist to make sure that it is the right choice for you.

Summary: Open marriages can be a fulfilling and lasting alternative to monogamous marriages, but they require just as much commitment and effort. Partners who are considering an open marriage should be prepared to work on their relationship and to communicate openly and honestly with each other.

Transition to the next article section: Open marriages are not the only type of non-monogamous relationship. Other types of non-monogamous relationships include polyamory and swinging. Learn more about these different types of relationships in the next section.

Tips for Open Marriages

Open marriages require a high level of communication, trust, and commitment. Here are five tips for couples who are considering or are in an open marriage:

Tip 1: Communicate openly and honestly.

Communication is key in any relationship, but it is especially important in open marriages. Partners need to be able to talk openly and honestly about their needs, desires, and boundaries. This includes discussing what types of sexual activity are allowed outside of the marriage, the frequency of outside sexual encounters, and the level of emotional involvement that is permitted.

Tip 2: Establish clear boundaries.

Boundaries are essential for protecting the relationship and ensuring that both partners feel safe and respected. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Physical boundaries include things like how much physical contact is allowed outside of the relationship. Emotional boundaries include things like how much emotional intimacy is allowed with outside partners. Sexual boundaries include things like what types of sexual activity are allowed outside of the relationship.

Tip 3: Build trust.

Trust is essential for any healthy relationship, but it is especially important in open marriages. Both partners must trust each other to be honest and faithful, even when they are not together. This means being able to trust that your partner will not engage in sexual activity with someone else without your consent, and that they will always be honest with you about their feelings and activities.

Tip 4: Negotiate your needs.

Open marriages require ongoing negotiation between partners. This includes negotiating the types of sexual activity that are allowed outside of the marriage, the frequency of outside sexual encounters, the level of emotional involvement that is permitted, and the division of household responsibilities.

Tip 5: Seek support.

If you are struggling with the challenges of an open marriage, it is important to seek support. There are many resources available, such as therapists and counselors who specialize in open relationships. Support groups can also be a helpful way to connect with other couples who are in open marriages.

Summary: Open marriages can be fulfilling and lasting relationships, but they require a high level of communication, trust, and commitment. By following these tips, couples can increase the likelihood of success in their open marriage.

Transition to the article's conclusion: Open marriages are not the only type of non-monogamous relationship. Other types of non-monogamous relationships include polyamory and swinging. Learn more about these different types of relationships in the next section.

Conclusion

This article has explored the concept of open marriage, drawing on the work of Laura Sankoff, a leading expert on the subject. We have discussed the key aspects of open marriages, including communication, trust, boundaries, negotiation, and commitment. We have also provided tips for couples who are considering or are in an open marriage.

Open marriages can be a fulfilling and lasting alternative to monogamous marriages, but they require just as much commitment and effort. Partners who are considering an open marriage should be prepared to work on their relationship and to communicate openly and honestly with each other.